High Blog Pressure

Suddenly I am worried about dying. I don't mean someday, I mean today or tomorrow. It is quite alarming, and makes me wonder what to do first. Clean my cupboards, empty those old mystery jars in the fridge? I mean, if you can't tell what the stuff is, why keep it? I personally go for simple condiments, but my husband never met a hot sauce he didn't like. If the label is red and has a picture of a Mexican in a sombrero with a big mustache being kicked off a donkey, he's in. Our refrigerator door holds all these oddities and includes mustards, kimchee, wasabi, ghee, cocktail sauce, Major Grey's chutney, horseradish, mayo and various jams and jellies. Their lids get sticky and soon enough you can't even open the jar, at which point it becomes garbage. All those are going today.

But I digress. Two days ago, completely out of the blue, I experienced a sudden and severe attack of overwhelming panic accompanied by very strong heart palpitations, intense dizziness and vertigo. I was on the phone at the time, and quickly hung up and went for my blood pressure pills, since this had to be related to my chronic high blood pressure. Grabbing my monitor, I saw that my numbers were indeed high: 200/140 or something like that.  Naturally I called the doctor, who said "take a Valium." The numbers went down, but not way down.

Later in the day they rose again and stayed there. Another Valium, down they went. Take two Valium, and I can barely stand up, but my blood pressure is out of the danger zone. And by danger zone I mean sudden death. I am waiting to see a doctor tomorrow who might be able to find a new solution before I have a stroke. I hope so, if not this could literally be my last blog, so I feel like it should at least be funny or helpful or something of value. Oy, the pressure, no pun intended.

Here's the funny part: Just in case my home is invaded by mourners or at the very least EMTs, I am planning to clean my entire house and throw away anything damning, including emptying the trash on my computer, so that after I'm gone nobody can learn my secrets, except the other people who participated in them. I will take my chances there. I will discard all old underwear and food journals recording my weight losses dating back to 1987, which is when my son was born. All unflattering photos of me. Bad paintings I have been planning to rework, but it's too late now, they take months to dry. Clean all bathrooms, change cat litter....there will be enough gossip about my death, I certainly don't need whispering about dust bunnies during my eulogy.

I will shower and put on clean underwear. Dress in a flattering outfit, natch. I might pin a note on my sweater or dress that says "DO NOT EMBALM. P.S. Mitch, you have four shirts at the dry cleaners ready to be picked up. Rufus gets his pill twice a day, put it inside one of those Pill Pockets. Call the vet about his surgery next week. Tell Zack I love him,  although I did call him to say that the night before last and told him what was going on with my health and have not heard back from him, so maybe he can't handle it."

Here comes the helpful part; do these things while you still can:
Apologize to anyone you have hurt.
Tell anyone you care about how you feel.
Eat well.
Stop living dangerously.

I did that years ago, and look at me now.
Why now? Are we ever ready?