Monday, April 24, 2017

Speaking Out for Married Women Everywhere

I can't keep quiet about it any longer. First it was Roger Ailes. Then Bill O'Reilly. Now it's Sean Hannity! It seems that powerful men all over the place are being accused of sexual harassment by frightened women who have kept quiet about it for 15, 20, maybe even 30 years. Well, now it's my turn, and I'm ready to speak out for all married women across our land: My husband sexually harasses me and has been doing it since the day we tied the knot in 1986.

He's constantly wanting to get me into his bedroom, which is also my bedroom so that makes it tricky to know when he's actually harassing me and when I go in there of my own free will. By the way, this goes on nearly every night! Anyway, even outside the bedroom he tells me how attractive I am. Like when I'm cooking or vacuuming, he'll say things I won't repeat here in case there are children reading this. He constantly notices my hair, or a new outfit, often making extremely suggestive comments, especially when we are taking a shower together. Admittedly we are both naked, and I entered the shower willingly, but still, it's quite a large shower and he could stand on the other side and wash himself instead of repeatedly asking me if I need any help.

Just the other day I got my hair cut, and when I got home he told me I looked "younger" and "sexier." Ha! Did he think I didn't know where he was heading with those compliments? And ever since I started working out with a personal trainer, he often says that my body "looks better." Oh really, better than what? And besides, what business is it of his to talk about my body? Next thing you know he'll be telling me dirty jokes and claiming I put a pubic hair on his can of Coke.

Wives everywhere know what I'm talking about. It's time to rise up! And remember: Even if your husband doesn't work at FOX News, you can still accuse him of bad behavior.

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