Saturday, April 1, 2017

Ivanka Wannabes

These days Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner are often described as "Washington's hottest new power couple" by the very same mainstream media lapdogs who trash them at every turn. So what is a power couple anyway? Once defined as those having "double doses of prestige and clout plus matching invitations to A-list parties" by Washingtonian Magazine, it's clear that people can be powerful without being respected. But one thing is for sure: if power is a goal, you better look damn good and have a decent plastic surgeon on speed dial. 

Alas, partly by choice (I hate surgery) and mostly by accident of birth (my father sold dry cleaning equipment for a living), I am completely powerless, which results in being unable to get my novels published or paintings sold, whereas the powerful can spit on a canvas and spark a bidding war at auction or hire a ghost writer to pen their memoirs and zoom to the top of the Times bestseller list in no time.

In Ivanka's case, her new perfect nose and Botoxed cheeks have inspired women to undergo "copycat surgery," a recent trend that is taking off in Texas where possibly something in the water, maybe runoff from all that cattle poop, has empowered women to repeatedly risk brain death or nerve damage at great cost to look like her. Personally, if I had the nerve to undergo plastic surgery I'd ask to look like me thirty years ago, although I do wonder if looking like Ivanka makes food taste any better or results in dodging cancer. I also wonder if A-list parties are any more fun than other parties.

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