Sunday, November 17, 2013

Charity Begins at Home

I'm unhappy because of a lot of things, but fortunately they are all fixable. But I better act fast because my current health care runs out January 1 and after that I'll have a much worse policy thanks to stupid you-know-who. First off I'm getting my lips plumped, which apparently you need these days in order to be happy. You see ads for them everywhere. Maybe I'll get the pouty kind like Angelina Jolie has, although I'm not sure I really want to go that far. Certainly not Meg Ryan; we all agree she ruined her face and is now retired from acting. Living in New York City and claiming she loves ferrying her kids around and that's enough for her, it's sad really. Maybe I'll hold off on the lip thing altogether.

Then there are my eyelashes which are skimpy at best, and my brows are way too light. I could get permanent eye makeup surgically implanted, which sounds painful but I could do it when I have my cataract surgery and hip replacement which I will surely need any day now. And while I'm at it, maybe one of those Lifetime Lift facelifts on my lunch hour and I can be back in work in an hour, which would be really great since I don't have a job right now and I need one.

Then I'll get a manicure and pedicure, and some blonde highlights. That should do it, unless there's an earthquake or a tornado or another typhoon or tsunami, and I'd have to send more money to all the victims who have no food, water, shelter, clothing, medical care, mommy or daddy. That would ruin everything.


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