Stephen King Was Born Here

For the last four years plus a little, I've lived in Maine. Before that, I lived in New York, D.C., Berkeley, Baltimore and Salt Lake City. And while I am hardly a globetrotter, I've traveled to quite a few foreign countries. I am now ready to make a pronouncement: people are the same the world over, except in Maine.  Putting it plainly, Mainers are weird. They're odd. They're not like other people, unless you mean The Others on the TV show LOST. A few more adjectives that describe them are mean, gruff, closed, cold, unsophisticated, small-minded, uptight, fearful, inhibited, boring, humorless, unimaginative and selfish.

Still, it's very pretty up here, and as I have said many times, there's no crime and no traffic, so I'm staying. Besides, scads of non-Mainers come to visit, and plenty of normal people from what the locals call "away" also live here. But those natives--they're something else. I have only met one who is a regular person, and that's our vet: She is great, and warm and sincere and open and funny and caring. (I was actually shocked to learn she's from Maine.)

Anyway, I just wanted to advise any of you planning a trip to these parts to be sure and bring a camera, but don't bother packing your personality. You'll never use it.