Stupid Bowl Half-Time Cringe

All the professional music critics who A, want to keep their jobs and B, hope not to get gunned down on the street as they leave their homes at night wrote the same exact review this morning: "Last night's Super Bowl halftime show was historic! Kendrick Lamar shined! Kendrick Lamar made history! It was the best halftime show ever! The energy was palpable all through the stadium!" And more blah blah blah bullshit like that.

Meanwhile, the comments posted online by real people all said the same thing: Lamar sucked! Worst halftime show ever! Pure bull crap! Horrible! Unwatchable! Not music and not entertaining! Perfect bathroom break! Garbage! Etc., etc., etc.

Not being a professional music critic, I fall into the second category. I am a real person, and I was appalled. Also shocked, dismayed, depressed, stunned and disheartened. What the hell was all that? And how could anybody deem that chaotic, non-melodic shouting worthy of a Grammy? And a Pulitzer Prize? 

What's happened in our world that has led to interpreting the mean-spirited spittle of a bejeweled, crotch-grabbing, mumbling man-child as meaningful and groundbreaking? Was I missing the point? Since the lyrics were unintelligible I had to Google them and man, was I sorry. There were lots of "nigga this" and "nigga that." There were some references to prostitutes and pedophilia and guns and ghettos. A couple of knives. Not exactly a love song.

Lest you think I am a racist who hates black people, which sadly might be the case very soon, my favorite singers of all time include the following: Nat King Cole, Little Anthony, Johnny Mathis, Sade, Sam Cooke, Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, The Persuasions, The Temptations, Smokey Robinson, Ella Fitzgerald, Bob Marley and Tina Turner. You know, people who could sing.

Americans are obviously petrified of dissing an entire race of people. What else can explain it?