Life Aboard the Titanic

This morning I attended my first official cardiac rehabilitation session. My classmates, about half male and half female, were all in the same dubious boat as me, but every last one of them --maybe twenty in all -- was grossly overweight and pushing 80. Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that it got me wondering how I ended up in that particular (leaky) boat at this point of my life.

To begin, I put on a heart monitor and attached sensors to three different places on my chest. My first task was to ride an exercise bike for 20 minutes, followed by walking on a treadmill for another 20 minutes, while someone at a computer kept an eye on my various numbers. Every so often someone came over and took my blood pressure and smiled and said, "Good job!" The radio was tuned to an oldies station, which I found quite appropriate, although I had heard Paul Anka under far better circumstances in the past, that's for sure.

At the end of the class we all gathered for a cool-down stretching session. Sitting next to me was a genial fat lady who leaned towards me and whispered, "Today is Thursday, isn't it?" I said no, it's Tuesday. She insisted, in a louder voice, that she was sure it was Thursday. I replied, lowering my voice, that I was certain it was Tuesday. She then shouted, somewhat angrily in fact, "It's Thursday!" This caused everyone to look in our direction. I considered slapping her. Out of options, I yelled, "Listen lady, it's Tuesday and that's that!" She sort of laughed and said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was Thursday."

I have to go to 15 more of these classes.