God Bless the Daily News

                                Gordon Studer

Despite having invented the sitcom laugh track, the clearest evidence of man's stupidity (as if hearing other people fake-laughing will make one think something that is not funny actually is), he is a marvel. He is now growing leather in laboratories, using tissue taken from animals in a painless biopsy procedure that doesn't seem to upset the animal one bit. This is good news for people who like leather but don't like killing animals so they can get a new handbag or pair of loafers, although I think that's still still quite a long way off. Still, it's in the works.

This random fact concerning an advancement in science was tucked well inside my daily paper. It was not on the front page, still it was there. I only had to walk to the end of my driveway to retrieve my copy, delivered each morning for a reasonable fee, and I got to learn about an amazing array of things taking place here and abroad that I would never know otherwise, all while I was still in my jammies. I also learned that Safra Catz, the CEO of a company named Oracle, was paid $43.6 million last year. That sounds like a lot, but actually it was down from the $51.7 million she earned the year before. Poor Safra. (Oracle declined to comment.)

Anyway, read a newspaper today and get smarter.