Cereal Murderers

Today's Wall Street Journal reports that cereal makers are worried because consumers are eating less of their stupid products, instead choosing healthier options. (The nerve of some people!) With sales remaining flat or falling every year since 2000, manufacturers are turning their backs on little kids and instead focusing their attention on the market share that seems most promising: Big kids. Apparently, 20- and 30-somethings who play video games late into the night are keeping their scores --and themselves--up by chomping on the likes of Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

This is alarming in light of the fact that ours is the second-fattest nation in the world after Mexico, and suggests that tomorrow's leaders are puffing up and dumbing down on empty calories packaged inside of waxed paper inside of cardboard boxes, adding insult to injury if you get my point. Following are just a few of the cereals crowding the marketplace. Their names say it all: good nutrition is not an option.

Special K Chocolate Almond
Special K Chocolatey Delight
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Kellogg's Honey Smacks (55.6% sugar, originally called Sugar Smacks)
Froot Loops Marshmallow (also responsible for poor spelling)
Kellogg's Smorz
Cocoa Pebbles
Cocoa Krispies
Cocoa Puffs
Count Chocula
Cookie Crisp
Chocolate Crunchfuls
Chocolate Krave
Chocolate Lucky Charms
Berry Lucky Charms
Golden Grahams
Peanut Butter Crunch
Waffle Crisp
Rice Krispies Treats

Do your part and don't buy any cereal you don't have to cook before eating. Oatmeal is a particularly wise choice.