Relaxed and Loving it

Talk about dodging a bullet: Yesterday someone went on a shooting spree in Washington, D.C. and killed a dozen random people, just two blocks away from where I once lived. If there were no guns, the killer would have had to use something else--a spear, or maybe rocks or some really hard apples--and probably nobody would have died. Let's face it: Guns are a bad business. It would be nice if they could all be rounded up and destroyed, but it's too late now. Sadly, like Twitter and Miley Cyrus, guns are here to stay.

I lived in D.C. for 30 years. I saw great theater and ate at fabulous restaurants. There were lots of good jobs for the taking, and freelance writing assignments crawled out of the woodwork. Throw in the annual display of Cherry Blossoms, the world-class museums, the Library of Congress, and blah, blah, blah---it's a great city. Except I saw friends murdered and raped, got mugged myself and had my car stolen, and generally held my breath every time I went outside, and that was in a good year, unlike 2002 when those Beltway Snipers ruled the streets for 21 days.

And it's not just in Washington but in every city: It's a jungle out there. These days all you city folks can do is stay low to the ground and keep your heads down. Or you could move to Maine. I'm not sure why, but there are hardly any deranged psychopaths living up here. In fact, the Maine crime rate is far lower than the national crime rate, earning it the title "safest state" in 2013. So snicker all you want about the cold weather and Governor Paul LePage--I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief and staying put.