Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Celebrity Blunders: Who's the Biggest Fool?

I have a great idea for a new quiz show. The central theme is celebrities making fools of themselves, so right away you are assured of a huge audience since most ordinary, non-celebrities lead drab lives marked by frustration, longing, sugary sodas and lots of pizza, causing them to swoon at the opportunity to see beautiful people, especially gorgeous women and very rich men, looking bad.

The show would be called "Celebrity Blunder: Going Viral." The host would be Wolf Blitzer, a pompous dunderhead who loves to twist the knife during interviews with questions like, "How bad do you feel after making such a terrible blunder? Do you think it's the worst blunder you've made? Tell us about some other ones."

Contestants, dressed in latex bodysuits, would be brought on stage in a wheelbarrow filled with manure and sit there while a video of their biggest blunders caught on YouTube play on a huge screen behind them. At the end of the show, which would feature four different celebrities, the audience would vote for The Biggest Fool. Naturally each audience member would be instructed to tweet constantly during the proceedings, so the greatest offenders would begin the process of going viral.

Listed below (in alphabetical order) are some of the contestants scheduled for Season One. In cases of multiple blunders by the same celebrity, their worst blunder would be used first and others would be used in following seasons of the show. So, for example, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump would likely be on for many, many seasons. And why, you wonder, would anyone agree to go on the show and face further humiliation? Celebrities crave the spotlight; shame has no effect on them.

Woody Allen married his sort-of stepdaughter
Warren Beatty messed up the 2016 Oscars awards presentation
Bill Clinton sexually assaulted an employee while President of the United States
Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election to Donald Trump
Bill Cosby drugged and raped countless women for many years
Sen. John Edwards impregnated his mistress while his wife was dying of cancer 
and he was running for president
Mel Gibson shouted hate speech against Jews after being pulled over for a DUI
Tonya Harding had her husband attack a rival skater in hopes of winning Olympic gold
Valerie Harper claimed to have only three months to live in 2013 but hasn't died yet
Bruce Jenner mutilated his genitalia so he could wear high heels and fancy dresses
John Kerry had plastic surgery to look like Frankenstein
Barack Obama said he visited all 57 states as President, excluding Hawaii and Alaska
Nancy Pelosi said nobody knew what was in the ACA because they hadn't read it yet
Dan Rather publicly accused George W. Bush of stuff that never happened
Michael Richards had a racist rant during his stand-up comedy act
Meg Ryan ruined her face and career with bad plastic surgery
O. J. Simpson went free after murdering two people then went to jail for robbery
Charlie Sheen infected thousands of women with HIV and didn't tell them
Sean Spicer said Hitler never used chemical weapons
Clarence Thomas used the words "pubic hair" in conversation with a woman
Donald Trump claimed nobody respects women more than he does
Anthony Weiner texted photos of his peepee to young women
Brian Williams reported seeing floating bodies during Hurricane Katrina, in a totally dry neighborhood

1 comment:

  1. Are all of those examples really REAL?

    Unbelievable list!