Turning 80

The cover of People jumped out at me as I was paying for a tube of Preparation H and some Miralax at the CVS the other day and it pissed me off, seeing as how Cher is the same age as me and looks like that, and I don't. 

Don't get me wrong -- I'm a big Cher fan. Her voice still thrills me and I love her spunky personality. But the blond wig, cheek implants, lip filler and God only knows what else make her look years younger. 

Despite all that she's likely got the same things in her medicine cabinet, since internal organs can't have plastic surgery. At least not yet. Anyway, you know who else would be 80 years old today? Diane Keaton and Freddie Mercury, that's who. And I look a whole lot better than them. Of course, I'm still only 79.