Ignorance Is Bliss

Here's some advice you can take to the bank: Stay away from the news if you want to be happy. 

This morning I woke up, which in itself was worthy of applause, and found that my 19-year-old cat had also lived through the night and was hungry, two things that made me happy. I made a pot of coffee, another positive, and went outside to get the newspaper, drinking in the glory of the early morning dew on all the blossoming trees and shrubs. The world looked good. 

Then I read the newspaper. Big mistake. Turning the pages, my good mood evaporated in less than five minutes. Here's what I learned:

1. President Trump is apparently out of his mind, using his Truth Social platform "to spread conspiracies and attacks" while the rest of us were sleeping. 

2. Teenagers are being banned from shopping malls due to their "takeovers" that have "devolved into physical fights, robberies and gunfire."

3. Restaurants are losing money because so many Americans are on weight-loss drugs.

4. AOC, that dummy-spinoff of Kamala Harris, is definitely considering a presidential run in 2028. Not only that, but she's a front-runner! (No, this is not a dream.)

5. Drug overdose deaths fell to a new low of 70,000 in 2025, which is considered a positive trend. 

6. Young men in their 20s and 30s are smashing their faces with hammers in order to look better.

7. "Jew-hatred" is on the rise in America.

8. Most students at Princeton cheat on exams using AI.

Sorry. I don't write the news, I just report it.