Don't Believe A Word of This!

Jeff and me, old college buddies, met for a drink just before his arrest.

Recently a photo was circulating online showing Hillary and Bill Clinton laughing with Jeffrey Epstein, the deceased POS that everyone loves to hate. It was incendiary because just the day before, Hillary had sworn under oath that she had never even met Epstein! So there she was, caught in another lie.

My husband wondered at the photo's veracity. Checking various sources online, we learned that indeed the photo was a deep fake. Stunned, we wondered just how easy it is to make a phony image and decided to try. So Mitch prompted Grok, the AI app from Elon Musk, to "make a picture of Jeffrey Epstein with this woman," sending along an old (and quite unflattering I might add) photo of me. 

Surely that wouldn't work, we mused. Yet less than one minute later, a reasonably believable photo appeared, which is shown above. I then texted that photo to five of my friends, saying I knew Epstein in college and visited with him shortly before his incarceration. Only one of those friends doubted it, texting back immediately, "Nice AI!" Two others fell for it whole-hog, and one other half-hog.

Here's the thing: Mitch is no expert on how to do this sort of thing, and yet he accomplished the task in no time. Just imagine the results when someone well-schooled in AI manipulation exercises their skills! We can all agree that public trust is over. Be on the alert: Whatever it is, if you can't touch it, taste it or smell it, it's likely not real.

People Who Know Nothing But Should Know Something

Some days it's exasperating just being alive. Today is one of them. Owing to an unfortunate health emergency -- a blood clot in my leg -- I had to purchase a pair of knee-high compression socks. So off to the drug store I went, and asked the pharmacist where I might find such things. He directed me straight to them, saying, "They go by your shoe size." 

Only they didn't. The package said nothing about shoe size. Instead the directions were to measure at the widest part of the calf and also the ankle to determine your size. Thinking that might be the case, I had brought a tape measure with me.

As I was busy measuring my leg, the pharmacist called over to me, "Can I help you? What are you doing?" I explained, after which he muttered something under his breath, shook his head and turned away.

Moral of the story: Whatever it is, if it's possible to do it yourself, do it yourself. People you think will know more than you usually don't.

Things Really Were Better Then

Crazy people today are so much crazier than the crazies of the past. For example, today I read about an elementary school teacher who had sex with a dog and posted a video of it from her cellphone, and a transgender kindergarten teacher who identifies as a wolf and told his/her students as much.

This goes along with other dire developments in our evolution, like fat people being much fatter, mass shootings becoming commonplace and suicides rising among young people. In fact, almost everything is worse today except the number of cereals available in the supermarkets and going to the dentist.

I loved being a mother and I still do, but if I were a young woman this minute and became pregnant I would abort without a second thought. One can only imagine how babies born now will fare in the coming years. Will they all have sex with their teachers in elementary school ? Will they be obese by age eleven and have heart attacks and diabetes on the regular? Of course none of them will actually know anything since everyone will have an AI device implanted in their brain by their fifth birthday. Will they still know what trees and flowers and birds are? 

While growing old in today's youth-obsessed society is no picnic, what with random ills and diseases showing up willy-nilly, at least one has fabulous memories of when things were so much better. Here's a quick walk down memory lane to the good old days before the invention of the Internet, which has gradually turned our world into a waking nightmare.

The Good Humor Man drove past your house every night in summer!

1. Doctors valued their patients and took the time to educate them on how to be healthy.

2. People only wore pajamas and slippers at home, never out in public except if they were insane.

3. Obesity was rare and to be avoided rather than celebrated.

4. Elected leaders were reasonably intelligent, unlike Kamala Harris, AOC, Mayor Pete and Governor Hair Gel, all leading candidates for the 2028 Democratic Presidential nomination.

5. Music had recognizable melodies and lyrics were more than just illegibly shouting to a beat while grabbing one's crotch.

6. Flying was fun and special, with lovely stewardesses treating you like royalty, as opposed to today's short-tempered and often unkempt flight attendants herding you like cattle into a holding pen.

7. There were no people named Spam Risk, Spam Likely and Probably Fraud calling you on the phone.

8. The ice cream man drove right by your house every night in summer! (See photo.)

Everybody's Mommy Dies, Savannah!

Savannah Guthrie, a TV celebrity who became really famous to millions of people who never heard of her before when her mother was mysteriously abducted three weeks ago, just posted a video online saying how sad she is without her mommy. Her heart aches for her. She can hardly sleep.

Well guess what, Savannah: It happens to everyone. Every mommy eventually dies, as does every daddy. And every doggie and kitty and worst of all, sometimes a child of still living mommies and daddies. So just suck it up, we have all heard enough.

My own mommy died at the age of 62 of early onset Alzheimer's and it wasn't on the news. She started losing her mind at age 57 and could no longer speak or recognize anyone after a few years. You had your mother for an additional and relatively healthy 22 years. Be grateful for that.

Go Fund Me, Please

Eric Dane and daughters.

Last week I slipped on the ice while carrying four heavy bags of groceries into my house and since then I have been in a lot of pain with a torn soleus muscle in my calf and a sprained ankle. Not only that, I am also grieving because the actor Eric Dane died and I liked him a lot back when he played Dr. Mark Sloane, a.k.a. McSteamy, on Grey's Anatomy. 

And not only that, but my beloved cat is 19 years old and has lost a lot of weight and doesn't play much anymore and hardly eats anything. And now it's snowing really hard outside and very cold and windy too and we may lose power. So please, help me out!

I would set up a GoFundMe page for myself but apparently that's just for rich people. Like the aforementioned recently deceased Eric Dane, who died with a net worth of approximately $7 million, but still his two teenage daughters need help! Although they live with their mother who is very much alive and an actress herself, with a net worth of $5 million, still they need money for things, like private school and paying the pool boy and going to summer camp and on skiing vacations, and judging by the photo shown here, food!

So if you want to help me out, just email me at andreajrouda@aol.com and I will send you my Venmo address. Thank you.

The Nancy Guthrie Diversion

Like many people, I don't watch morning TV shows. So I had never even seen Savannah Guthrie before her mother was abducted.  Naturally, it follows that I don't care about her mother. At least not much. While it's sad that such a crime was committed, so many crimes like that occur that we never hear about. What makes this case any different, causing it to dominate the news for the last three weeks?

One can only wonder what very important things are all of us not seeing while our attention is diverted towards an unknown missing 84-year-old woman who held no public office and who mattered only to her family and close friends.

Something big, I assume.

Having A Mom vs. Being A Mom

There's a world of difference between having a mother and being a mother. I speak from experience.

I had a mother once. She died at age 62 in 1983. All I can remember about her is that she was my greatest champion who thought I could do anything. My well-being was high on the list of her priorities, if not at the top only because I had an older sister with special needs who occupied that spot. Sadly, in hindsight I see that I did not do for my mother anything close to what she willingly did for me. It never occurred to me.

Then I became a mother myself and suddenly my life took a back seat to my child. His happiness came before anything else, and still does. I would do anything required of me to assure his comfort and success in life. And sadly again, it is clear that he does not feel the same way about me. Motherhood is not a two-way relationship. 

That's just the way it is. There's no punchline, no joke, no laugh. Just the honest truth, which any young woman considering taking on that role should fully understand.

What An Ass!

Cardi B is a popular, award-winning rapper applauded for her outspoken lyrics and "sex positive" messages, including an openness to a variety of sexual orientations, interests, identities and expressions. 

Over the years since she burst on the scene, Cardi has had many injections of who-knows-what and for who-knows-why into her butt. I'm guessing it wasn't to enhance her vocal range or her smarts. 

Still, her net worth is estimated to be $100 million. Apparently money can't buy brains, but it can buy a ginormous ass which somehow can be exchanged for cash. (Sort of like bitcoins.)

Thankfully, even Cardi has her limits, which can be seen in the photo here, saying, "After this tour, I'm taking some time out. I'm going to Colombia, nobody hit me up, nothing. I'm taking this ass out!"

I Don't Believe It

Hogwash!

The police in Tucson, Arizona have officially cleared all the family members of any involvement in the disappearance of matriarch Nancy Guthrie. So how come I still think the brother-in-law did it? Because I am a skeptic.

The definition of skeptic is "a person who questions the validity or authenticity of something purporting to be factual." That's me, and I can't help it. I promise you, I have tried. It's hard being a skeptic. Most people think you are an idiot. 

For example, try as I might I still don't believe that someone named Jesus Christ died for my sins 2,000 years ago. How is it possible when I hadn't even sinned yet? Another whopper is that he died and came back to life. How? And why has nobody else ever done that since then? And don't even get me started on Moses parting the Red Sea! (See illustration.)

I don't believe that we landed on the moon in 1969, or ever. I don't believe that Joe Biden was fairly elected in 2020. And I don't believe, for a minute, that Vince Foster committed suicide.

I simply cannot believe that anyone in their right mind would ever consider voting for Kamala Harris for anything. And I am way beyond believing that anyone, anywhere still cares about Jeffrey Epstein, a man who never held public office and died almost seven years ago.

So yes, I think the brother-in-law did it. Who else would have, and why?

Tucson's Keystone Cops

Tucson police chief on the phone with Nancy Guthrie's neighbor.

If you are currently earning living as a petty criminal or are considering a life of crime, you would do well to move to the city of Tucson, Arizona, where the police department is staffed with nitwits. How else to explain that it took a phone call from a neighbor, more than a week after Nancy Guthrie went missing, to alert them that there was a surveillance camera installed on the roof of her home? 

What that makes clear to me is that not one of them saw the movie The Hangover, where the missing man (Dougie) was ultimately found to be passed out on the roof of the hotel where he was staying. And for that reason alone, they cannot be trusted. 

Lindsey Makes A Comeback

Oopsie!

After five years in retirement, 41-year-old Lindsey Vonn was back, hoping for Olympic gold in Italy. But it was not to be. Instead, she crashed out yesterday after 13 seconds into her publicized downhill run, just nine days after she ruptured the ACL in her left knee. Her right knee was already partially replaced with a titanium plate. Like who didn't see that coming?

Today Vonn's fans are busy applauding her bravery. Others say she usurped a spot on the USA ski team that should have gone to a young hopeful who might actually have won. So much for a comeback....

Life Goes On

Back when Savannah was happier.

According to several statistics websites, about 600,000 people go missing in the United States every year, which represents the most missing persons cases reported worldwide. While most of them are resolved fairly quickly, some remain open for decades. About 25,000 cases remain unsolved today.

With all due respect to Nancy Guthrie, the mother of TV anchor Savannah Guthrie who was abducted last Sunday, it's pretty crazy that her case has been covered non-stop every day since then, at the level of intensity one would expect for a world war or global plague.

My husband never heard of Savannah Guthrie before this happened. I had heard her name but never saw her even once, despite her being the host of the Today show for the last 14 years.  (I don't watch it.) So she's not some colossal star. What then explains the continuous TV coverage of this story? For some reason it's drawing in the public and thus making big bucks for the networks.

While it's been hard to pull myself away -- after all, I'm only human -- I'm pretty much done with it.  Enough already! I think Savannah should dry her tears, put on some makeup, pack a bag and hop a jet to Italy where she was supposed to be covering the Olympics and get back to it before her career is forever tainted.

If He Did It

You may remember OJ's book entitled "If I Did It," in which he detailed how he would have killed his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman, if he had. Inspired by that, I hereby theorize how Savannah Guthrie's brother-in-law, Tommaso Cioni, would have abducted her, if he had. And based on my years studying at SVU University under professors Olivia Benson and Eliot Stabler, I feel confident I'm correct.

Cioni wouldn't have done the dirty deed himself. Instead, he would have hired two goons from Mexico, which is just an hour away from Tucson where the abduction occurred. He would have given them the key to the house and a floor plan of where everything was located, including Nancy Guthrie's bedroom and the interior cameras.

Sadly, I must say that this theory supposes the goons killed Nancy and hid her body somewhere in the desert in Mexico. Then Ciono crafted the ransom notes.

The reason the reward is so low is that Cioni did it for the inheritance he and his wife, Nancy's other daughter, would receive, and thus did not want to drain the coffers. So he advised the family to offer a small reward, and for some reason they agreed.

That's it. 

My Money's On the Brother-in-Law

Just sayin'....

 

Fat People Die Young. Then What?

There is a disturbing trend online of extremely, absurdly, nauseatingly obese young women showing us their bodies, some half-naked in their underwear, and claiming how happy they are with themselves. I thought I had seen everything, but then a new phase began: Fatties showing the world what they eat in a day.

A typical Reel shows a 30-something woman with a smiling face, albeit a fat one, with these words imprinted over her:" THIS IS WHAT I EAT IN A DAY AS A FAT GIRL." Like we all want to know so we can get as fat as you, right?

Then it's breakfast, of maybe a stack of pancakes with syrup, three sausages, some scrambled eggs, a couple of chocolate-cream donuts and a strawberry Smoothie. Next it's on to lunch time, with a large pepperoni pizza, two hot dogs, an ice-cream sandwich and a Diet Coke. (It's always a Diet Coke. Go figure.) The video continues, but I've never made it past the afternoon snack because of being too sad to watch. 

As if all that isn't bad enough, the comments on these videos applaud their makers' seeming self-love. Two things about this trend bother me. First, obesity is appalling and wrong, unhealthy, ungodly and just plain stupid. Second, who will run the country when all these fatties die in their 40s and 50s?

How the White Man Got Manhattan

After running a few ideas past him for my next blog post, my husband rejected them all and said I should try to write about something "cheery." My suggestions had included the current news story about an 84-year-old woman who was abducted from her bed in the middle of the night, how long it takes to get an appointment with a doctor these days, and how after 39 years of marriage we have run out of even trivial conversation.

Fine, I said, give me just one cheery idea. This was his reply: "The sap in the trees is rising, the days are getting longer and we are going to Florida in a few weeks." This may be why Mitch does not have his own blog.

The cold, hard truth is that there's hardly any cheer left in America these days. About the only thing I can think of is that in today's mail I received a crisp one dollar bill from a charitable organization (see photo) seeking my donation, along with the customary note pad and return address labels. I found that to be cheery, although oddly counter-productive. 

I am seriously considering contributing one dollar to their cause. That should fix their wagon.

Ordinary People Outshine Hollywood Weirdos

Justin Bieber, playing in his undies.

This morning I worked out for an hour at my CrossFit gym. The place was rocking as the 10am class got underway: Music blaring, weights clanking, the hum of rowing machines, bikes and Assault runners adding to the crescendo of sound. Over it all was the voice of the trainer shouting out instructions. It was glorious.

Everyone there -- about 20 people when I arrived -- was focused on self-improvement. They showed up for that and that alone. As an added bonus to staying healthy and avoiding a creaky old age, friendships form and socialization occurs. It's a complete good-for-you package.

None of the people at my gym are famous. They are not asked for their autographs and the paparazzi don't follow them around. They're all just ordinary people striving to become their best selves, without the need for awards, applause or adoration from complete strangers.

Afterwards I came home and checked my email and was bombarded with photos of last night's Grammy Awards show, which mercifully I did not see. The people shown were seemingly nuts. One man (Justin Bieber, has-been musician) sang and played guitar totally naked except for boxer shorts and socks, the better to see his tattoo-covered chest, arms and back. A woman (Heidi Klum, has-been supermodel) wore a 100% plastic, flesh-colored, super-tight dress in which she was unable to walk or sit. Several women (unknown to me) wore next-to-nothing gowns which barely covered their breasts and were obviously meant to titillate onlookers rather than clothe the wearers.

It seems plainer than ever to me that Hollywood is home to the most insecure and mentally unstable of our species, each one seeking to gain the most attention and steal the spotlight. I wondered how any of them would fare at my little CrossFit gym, where nobody is better than anyone else and every participant is a superstar.