I finally figured out why I'm not losing weight. It's obviously the work of the Russians! I mean if they could throw an election in a foreign country, causing an experienced politician who has devoted her entire life to becoming the first woman in the White House, who stayed married to a cheating husband for years after it was clear their relationship was devoid of anything but political benefit leading to her eventual coronation, and who had every last Democratic older lady in her corner, to lose to a man with no political experience whatsoever and who is sort of a doofus, let's face it, then how hard would it be for them to sabotage my earnest attempts to slim down?
Not hard at all, and actually there is no other possible explanation, just like with our election! I mean it's certainly
not because I eat badly, having ice cream every so often and one night last week an entire bag, albeit a small one, of potato chips. No, it's the Russians for sure. I might as well get rid of all my size 8 jeans right now; I don't stand a chance against them.
Damn that Putin!
Now I know how Hillary feels.
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