If Trump Wins, I'll Sue

The families of the 9/11 victims are planning to sue the Saudi Arabian government for the loss of their loved ones. Sounds nutty, but apparently not everyone thinks so and thus they are going forward with it. This led me to consider suing Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and the Democratic Party for not finding a better candidate than Hillary Clinton, should Trump win in November. I mean come on, how hard is it to beat a businessman with a big mouth who has never held any public office? My life will surely be impacted by a Trump administration, most probably negatively, and I think someone should pay!

Based on some recent high-profile settlements, I am hoping for several million dollars. After all, that second-string news babe Gretchen Carlson was awarded $20 million for enduring the horror of sexual harassment. Imagine being told "You are hot" and "I want to have sex with you" day after day, all while you are dressed like a career prostitute. That must have stung.

Then there is the family of Sandra Bland, the 28-year-old black woman who was stopped by police in Texas for failing to signal while changing lanes, like nobody ever does that. In fact, raise your hand if you haven't. (I thought so.) Sandra was arrested because of her bad attitude, then taken to jail where she died three days later. Her family just won $1.9 million in a wrongful death suit. The incident was caught on a police dash-cam video; if only the cops had told Sandra that while she failed to signal she looked really hot, perhaps her family could have gotten more. (Like $18.1 million more.)