Humans Are So Last Week

Will I still need glasses?

It's late 2014 and things are awry. Young people who lack nothing but something to rebel against have chosen themselves. That would explain the whole transgender movement, in which people decide they don't like the container in which they arrived on planet Earth. I admit to being stymied by this. However since it seems to be politically correct, in fact all the way to admirable, to reject one's own reproductive organs and secondary sex characteristics and live life as a He-She, I figure it might be okay to go one step further. Therefore, I have decided to become a cat.

I am sick of being human. In fact, I have never been 100% comfortable as a human and identify much more closely with felines. My husband is a great guy for a man, but my heart really belongs to Lurch, my Maine Coon. He really gets me. We share so much. I just wish I could go out with him at night and kill mice, or whatever he does, and not feel stuck in my role as a person, going out to dinner and the movies when all I want to do is roll around in the grass and climb trees. I love napping and bright, shiny objects. I enjoy having my tummy rubbed. Fish is my favorite food, and lately those cat treats are starting to look damn good. Then, too, there are those nine lives, no small perk if you ask me.

I am currently seeking an open-minded surgeon who will begin this exciting journey with me. Until then, while I am transitioning, I would like to be called Puddy Tat.