Monday, June 30, 2014

Old, Proud and On TV

With the exploding cacophony of TV shows about trailer park trash, rich bitches, hoarders, daters, naked daters, addicts, home buyers, fishermen, truckers, dress designers, entrepreneurs and whatever those guys are on Duck Dynasty, it's obvious that Reality TV is all the rage. Just on Maine's Craigslist alone, under the heading of, "tv/film/video," I regularly find ads seeking people who are willing to be humiliated for a fee in front of a nationwide audience.

This morning's crop includes ads for "pregnant women due after September 15th who are willing to give birth on TV to promote natural birthing" and "formerly incarcerated hot girls." (They will also consider you if you have merely been arrested but not jailed.)

Sadly, I fit neither category and so cannot apply and become the next Honey Boo Boo, which made me realize the gaping hole in the whole reality TV thing: senior citizens. There are plenty of them, quietly living their lives without so much as a peep out of them. An ad for that reality show might read something like this:
 
Are you 65 or older? Does it take you ten minutes or more to swallow all your medications each day? Is it harder and harder for you to get up the stairs every night? Do you have one or more fake body parts? Do you wear trifocals, dentures or a hearing aid and regularly forget where you put them? Does your wardrobe include a truss, compression stockings, wigs or a colostomy bag? Do you find eating annoying, young people extraneous and sex boring? Did you already forget what this ad is even about? If so, our producers are looking for you to star in our new reality TV show, "Don't Forget Me, I'm Still Here."

Now that's something I could get behind.



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