I Pledge Allegiance... or Do I?

I read today that the median income for the American household is $44,500, which translates into 19th worldwide as compared to all the other countries where they have houses and incomes. Let's face it: 19th place is not good by any stretch of the imagination. We rate 17th and 26th in high-school math and science scores, we're the second-fattest nation which is not as good as it sounds, and we have high rates of suicide, heart disease and crime. So I ask you--what is so damn great about us that we keep running around touting America as the world's greatest country? (This may be the only point on which I agree with Obama, who tells everyone he meets that America sucks.)

Anyway, while being an American has been fine so far, I would love to live in another country at least for the experience, but where?

Of all the places I have been, the most appealing is Italy, but I'm afraid I would turn into a raging alcoholic with all the wine; they start drinking at lunch. Also, the tons of pizza and pasta. Italy is simply too fattening. Haiti is fun and interesting, and there is no end to all the do-good opportunities, but cholera and malaria are a definite turn-off. Israel could be illuminating, except for the random bombs exploding and being right next door to crazy people. Mexico is sunny and colorful, but you might end up really retired.

I guess I'll stay in Maine since it's sort of its own little country. Better, even, than the rest of the United States. Still, by all measure America seems to be going downhill. One can only hope our next president will turn things around.