The Future of Family

The cast of "Modern Family," minus the dog.

Lately I've taken to watching reruns of a TV sitcom called "Modern Family." It's often laugh-out-loud funny, which is a rare thing, and since it's already in reruns it's pretty much on all the time, so whenever I feel like zoning out I can find it somewhere. What's great about it is that nobody in the large, three-pronged extended family has any problems. They're all quite affluent--a few all the way to filthy rich--with swimming pools and fancy cars, but they're not obnoxious about it. It's not like watching those nasty Kardashians, who are all idiotic and surgically enhanced, and worst of all, real. This fictional family was created by writers who are paid a fortune to not offend.

But, like much in life, the down side is the same as the up side: Nobody has any problems. The gay male couple with their adopted Vietnamese daughter have a wonderful life and never experience any discrimination whatsoever. The older dad, a successful businessman, is married to a hot Latino chick 25 years his junior, and she is, besides being obscenely stacked and very beautiful, a devoted homemaker who likes to cook and take care of the kids. There's a youngish Mom and Dad too, both very good-looking of course, with two teen daughters--one gorgeous and the other super-smart--and a precocious little boy who is endearingly mischievous a la Dennis the Menace.

I could go on, but you get the point: It's not real life. Nobody has cancer or depression or anger issues or even wears glasses or gets constipated. The dog is adorable, does not throw up or even bark when the doorbell rings, and never needs to wear one of those plastic neck cones. It gets annoying, that's for sure, but the beauty of it is, I can turn it off. If only I could have done that with my own family when I was growing up, things might have turned out differently. Someday, after a few more years of evolution when people are equipped with an On-Off switch instead of that useless appendix, we'll have a truly modern family. (Maybe those folks at Google can figure that out after they perfect those glasses they've been working on.)