Today's the Day

Mary, me, Joyce and Nancy, circa 1982.

Today might be the day. In fact, it had better be since who knows how many are left? This one day is already here, with me in it. I better do that thing right now, that thing I've been planning to do forever, that thing that will make me happy and fulfilled. In fact I would go and do it, if only I could remember what it is. I knew once, but then I looked away for a minute, and now all these years later I am completely mystified as to what the heck I ever set out to do or be. Everything sharply in focus so many years ago is now a blur, and all my once best friends are complete strangers. (See photo.)

Exactly two weeks ago today I went to Haiti, hoping a giant leap outside my comfort zone might land me closer to my goal. One week ago I came back, apparently to the exact same place, and although several seeds were planted, I still don't know. So I gobble up books about how to get where you're going, and marvel at others who claim to have already arrived, but still I'm clueless. It's frustrating since time is running out, and not just for me. (The eroding planet, the crazy dictators, poverty, disease, etc.)

I will now go wash the kitchen floor. And while that won't make my whole life worth living, at least it will make me feel better about the kitchen floor, at least for this one day. By tomorrow it will look just as dirty. Black is so wrong for a kitchen floor.