Instead of not-fat-enough Hillary Clinton I will discuss National Orange Juice Day, which is celebrated today in this country. Funny thing: I woke up this morning with the thought in my head: "I want orange juice." I say it's funny because I rarely drink the stuff, it being full of excess sugar and so the actual fruit is healthier, but I do stock it and have a few sips when I feel poorly or need an energy boost. So I chalked it up to morning sluggishness caused by a bad dream and grumbled my way downstairs to the fridge and got some. Imagine my surprise when I learned soon after that today is National Orange Juice Day! Now more than ever, I'm pretty sure I'm psychic.
Having celebrated the holiday to the best of my capability, I am now free to do whatever the heck I want to do since I decided not to take that job working in a garden shop. If I follow the advice of a dear friend of mine, I would spend a chunk of my day staring at a mandala he gave me called the Sri Yantra while repeating the mantra, "Aum Gum Shreem Maha Lakshmi-yei Namaha" 108 times. Supposedly if I do that for the next 40 days I will "noticeably witness transformation."
Despite all sorts of reputable studies (including one from Harvard University) that offer compelling evidence that the staring and reciting thing works, still I think I won't do that. Instead I will spend the next 40 days staring at a photo of my naked body taped to the refrigerator and repeat 108 times, "God You're Getting Fat You Gross Pig" and hope to witness a different sort of transformation that will get me into all those clothes in my closet I can't wear anymore.