Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Pity Poor Hillary

Getting to be President of the United States demands ceaseless energy and overwhelming vitality, and once you win the prize things only get worse. Since both candidates from the major political parties currently running are my age (give or take a few months) and one of them is female, naturally I'm interested in how they can withstand the non-stop demands of the office since personally I have experienced a lessening of that pumping stream of adrenaline necessary to get out there and compete as if it matters in the final analysis.

Concerning Hillary, the media on all sides is abuzz about her increasing coughing jags, posing questions like: Is she healthy enough to lead?  Does she have a horrible disease or just a frog in her throat from yelling all the time? If elected, will she die in office? And while the wear and tear of the presidency impacts all genders, I wonder more about what sort of woman of granny age wants to be president anyway? Wouldn't you have to be slightly nuts to run in the first place? Just think of all the things you'll have to give up, or else risk reading about in the news the next day:

Being seen in a bathing suit
Sleeping late
Getting up in the middle of the night and driving yourself to Denny's for a waffle
Hanging out all day in your PJs
Forgoing makeup
Watching trashy movies on Lifetime TV
Having too many cocktails in public
Smoking pot (God forbid a million times)
Hanging out online
Long solitary walks
Solitary anything
Playing Candy Crush Saga
Pigging out on pizza
Changing your hair color on a whim
Gardening in your backyard
Reading crappy novels
Staying home on snow days

In return you get to be surrounded by a group of burly men with guns at all times. You are constantly criticized, inspected and wrongly accused by everyone in the world except maybe your closest family members, although that is certainly not a given, and perhaps a close friend or two if you still have time for any. Your health rattles the stock market. You are photographed in bad lighting at inopportune moments and from unflattering angles. You have to attend several meetings every day and have fattening lunches and dinners on most nights, always surrounded by people who all want a piece of you. Your words are parsed, your showers are woefully short and the time spent getting dressed, having your hair done and fixing your face far exceeds the likes of Kim Kardashian and her sisters.

Poor Hillary. I hope she loses and gets to spend more time with her grandchildren and take care of that awful cough.







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