Tuesday, May 17, 2016

How to Make America Great Again

Typical TV commercial eradicating a child's perfect brain.
Donald Trump promises he will "make America great again." I'm not sure what he's got up his sleeve besides that giant wall on our southern border, but I have a few suggestions for him:

1. Outlaw remote control devices, forcing people to actually move their bodies to change the TV channel. This will greatly impact the obesity epidemic overtaking America, with 70% of all adults over the age of twenty now classified as being above a healthy weight.

2. Outlaw all prescription and over-the-counter drug commercials on TV. This will have a positive effect on the growing drug problem in America, with the number of fatal drug overdoses climbing steadily. Last year, 47,055 people died from drug overdoses -- 1.5 times greater than the number killed in car crashes.

3. Outlaw TV. This will greatly reduce the number of brain-dead Americans roaming the streets, many of whom live in states where it is legal to carry a concealed weapon. Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, Idaho (effective 7/1/16), Kansas, Maine, Mississippi, Puerto Rico, Vermont, West Virginia (effective 5/24/16) and Wyoming are fully unrestricted.


  1. I feel better knowing that Maine isn't one of this sick places that don't allow me to.carry,a concealed weapon

  2. Ban golden age of TV where the best TV is much better than the best features: Best of Homeland, Better Call Saul, Game of Thrones, The Americans, Veep, Silicon Valley, Billions, Vinyl, Lilyhammer, Shameless, House of Cards makes this Academy Winners look really not so good. Plus, there is The Wire which can stand with anything. If you outlaw drug commercials sales will fall and I won't be able make Meth anymore. Remote controls fine- if you watch the proper TV you'll just binge watch them all and not get up anyway. The shows mentioned don't even count some clever network stuff like The Goldbergs, Modern Family and the really well done Amazing Race.