In the Middle of the Night

Television fare is less than stellar during prime viewing hours, but around three in the morning it is downright awful. Last night, sleepless after too much late-night caffeine, I turned it on hoping to stumble onto something soporific, maybe an old Chevy Chase comedy or a documentary on the Third Reich, but instead was shocked to see that the political talking heads were still going at it like it was daytime! It was "Trump" this and "Trump" that, "Hillary" this and "Bernie" that, all over the place. And despite the hour, all the news gals still sported those cleavage-bearing slut dresses and giant hoop earrings that have become so popular lately. (One would think the dress code would relax after midnight. Couldn't these women deliver their scripted commentary in jeans?)

New at IHOP: "The Cupcake Pancake"

Anyway, naturally I did lots of channel surfing and saw a boatload of commercials, but two in particular stuck in my mind and are still in it this morning. One was for IHOP, the chain restaurant that specializes in giving people heart attacks on the weekends. They rolled out their latest concoction, called simply a Cupcake Pancake. (See photo.) Shown enjoying these huge Frisbee-sized treats infused with colorful sugary sprinkles and topped with vanilla icing and fake whipped cream were happy families -- Mom, Dad and the kids laughing gleefully as they purposefully set about clogging their arteries.

The other featured a narrator who intoned in a serious voice, "The average funeral today costs over $7,000, and yet the government only pays you $250...." Who knew the government paid you anything?And why would you spend so much money to dispose of a dead person? (Sorry, that sounds so cold, I should have said deceased.)

Now it's a new day, and I plan on taking a swig of Nyquil before bed this evening to avoid a repeat performance.