Sunday, March 17, 2013

Fat, Dumb and Rich

Well, it happened again. I woke up happy, read the paper and got bummed out. Not from war or political unrest, but from the breathtaking waste of money that goes on daily among the rich. This particular article has convinced me that we should tax the hell out of them. Maybe even break into their homes in the Hamptons and actually steal things. Not sure, that may be unconstitutional. Anyway, the rich must be saved from themselves before they sink even lower into a cesspool of stupidity, wherein their brains will turn to compete mush. Sadly, it might be too late for some of the richest, or the dumbest, or the fattest who are rich and dumb too.

Apparently there is a woman in New York City who charges $1,000 an hour to tell you not to eat cookies or ice cream or fudge, but instead to eat fiber and fruit and veggies. She sells "packages" of 10 visits for $10,000, and they are selling like hotcakes--or rather, like fiber crackers. A registered dietician, age 40, her clients love her because she is thin! And she has a beautiful office! It's all white, with touches of apple green, which is a very in color right now! And they can call her or text her right from their table at any restaurant they are in and she will tell them what to order, since they are so stupid they can't figure that out. (Oy.) Her published books explain it all, but still many people choose to see her, spending $600 for a half-hour consultation. After all, she's so pretty! And so thin! Well you are in luck--I will tell you how to lose weight and be healthy right here, right now, and for free:

DON'T Eat: Cakes, cookies, pies, candy, ice cream, pasta, pizza, noodles, gin and tonics, Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, Slurpees, Chitos, Doritos, Fritos, dips, creamy sauces, French fries, canned soups and fast food. DO Eat: Fruits, nuts, vegetables, skinless chicken, eggs, lean meats, yams, beans, plain Greek yogurt, high-fiber breads and crackers and cereals, coffee, tea, dark chocolate in moderation, 6 oz. red wine a day.

If you are going out to a fancy restaurant, just send me a copy of their menu--most places post them online--and I will tell you what to order. Questions?  Email me at andreajrouda@aol.com. No charge.

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