It's Time for a Papal Makeover

That hat must weigh a ton.

Today's Wall Street Journal poses the question to six journalists: What to look for in a new Pope? Writer Peggy Noonan, who obviously came up empty, thinks that he should be someone who smiles a lot, holds his head up and has a lot of joy, and, "not come forward with the sad, bent posture of one who knows the world is in ruins and only the facades remain." (Had a bad day, Peggy?) He should also do a lot of housecleaning, not simply dusting the actual Vatican but throwing out all the sexually deviant priests and cardinals and whatever other perverts are hiding under all those cloaks and robes. Other people say other things. The article concludes by inviting readers to share their own hopes, and promises to print a few of the responses in the coming days.

It's called the Style Bible, after all.

Hmm, what do I want from the new Pope? Since I, like many people, have never for even a split-second thought about the Pope--until of course you see him in those ballet slippers and the hats--I have no answer and will not be writing anything to that esteemed paper. But just between you and me, I'm thinking a general makeover is in order for his Holiness.

If he wants to be taken seriously by the next generation, or any generation really, he's got to ditch that outlandish attire. For one thing, it's high time he retired the giant hats; they serve no purpose, and they certainly can't be any fun to wear, forget sitting behind in the movies. (In fact, they may be major contributors to his being "bent over" in the first place; those things look heavy.) And what's with the embroidered robes? Why dress like that? This is 2013, and the man lives in Italy for god's sake--no pun intended--the undisputed seat of high fashion. Why not get some hand-made Italian suits and a couple dozen pairs of Ferragamo loafers? He can afford it, that's for sure. And here's a tip: A subscription to GQ could only help.