Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Who Needs Therapy?

I just received an email that divulges "12 easy ways to get younger." I am pretty excited about it. One of the ways is to "think happy thoughts." Who knew? I am quitting my shrink today. Anyway, following are the lyrics to "Whistle a Happy Tune" from the Broadway musical, "The King and I." I print them here as a public service:

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows
I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows,
I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are.


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Movin' On Up


President Obama, who seems to have an amazing capacity for relaxation, is apparently tired from all his partying and golfing and so is once again going on vacation in Martha's Vineyard, this time for more than two weeks. 

According to ABC NEWS, "The first family will travel to the island from Aug. 9 to Aug. 24, making the 15-day getaway the longest summer vacation of Obama’s presidency. While the location of their vacation home was supposed to be under wraps, neighbors confirmed to the local newspaper that the Obamas will be staying at a luxurious home owned by Joanne Hubschman, whose late husband, Henry, was a former executive at General Electric. The 17-room house, worth an estimated $12 million, sits on a 10-acre lot and features an infinity pool, a dual tennis-basketball court, an indoor gym and views of the Vineyard Sound, according to the Martha’s Vineyard Times." 

Lord knows Michelle can use a break from her tough job too.

Googly Christmas

My husband, who until now wanted a motorcycle, now wants Google glasses. This news hit me harder than when he told me he was joining an exercise cult, since it essentially it spells the end of all contact between us, unless we shower together which we can't always because of our schedules.

If he goes forward with this foolhardy plan he will always be on the Internet and I will have to text all conversation. Since I am so bad at texting I've been doing some practice texts so I'll be ready by Christmas:
Pls get mlk on way home
IMHO I'm havng stroke, call 911
House burning, leave asap, LOL

There are more, but those cover the basics.

High School Scammers

One Sunday morning about six weeks ago, two attractive girls from the local high school knocked on our door. They were out selling cookie dough in a fundraising effort for a trip to the Dominican Republic. It was something to do with helping impoverished people get water, and we chatted for awhile about whether or not they should take malaria pills before the trip and how hot it would be there in July.

Buckets of the gooey stuff came in in a variety of flavors at 15 bucks a pop. I bought one, chocolate chip as a I recall, not only to help their cause but to actually make some cookies. The girls said to expect delivery in two weeks.

That was then. Nothing has arrived. I never saw either of those girls again. Three calls to Freeport High School have gone unanswered, the last one involving a long message left in the principal's voice mail.

As it happens I am happy the stuff never showed up as I have recently been trying to lose weight and have met with modest success, thanks to no cookies or anything remotely like cookies. But still, one wonders just what they are teaching kids in school these days.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Archie Kicks the Bucket

Something is wrong. The Earth may have slipped off its axis. Whatever the cause, people are going nuts. That is the only thing I can come up with to explain why the writers over at Archie comics have decided to kill him off. That's right, Archie is dead, or he will be soon, depending on whether or not you have read the last strip.

Apparently he does not die of natural causes but instead takes a bullet for a friend, a gay friend at that, just to be politically correct and relevant, although the friend should really have been Latino and transgender and in a wheelchair to make the point.

The whole thing seems unduly cruel. If Archie's creators were done with him, why couldn't they have simply moved the whole gang to Costa Rica like all the other other normal, middle-class American citizens of retirement age? A violent end for Archie is obscene and unbelievable, sort of like finding out Ron Howard is dealing heroin.

Who Is Adam Levine?

James Gandolfini: Sexy but out of the running, being dead.

This morning with my coffee I learned that "one of the sexiest men alive is off the market." I encountered this news flash repeatedly as I made my way through my email and ultimately landed on my Facebook page. Someone named Adam Levine, who I have neither seen nor heard of before, got married to a lingerie model, and supposedly this was bad news for the ladies.

That declaration finalized something I have long suspected: I am no longer important in this world. I am over the hill and so far down the other side that some news doesn't even slide that far, coming to rest somewhere in the mid-forties. Of course I hear about all the global news from reading the paper so I'm up to speed on who's killing who, but when it comes to social media I am already ensconced in the glue factory.

I know I could find out in seconds that this Adam was some former contestant on a reality TV show, attaining celebrity by dating naked or being naked and afraid or being a bachelor or trying to become an American idol or maybe by dancing with a star. Who knows, maybe the boy's got real talent, but I am feeling comfortable in my ignorance and so will leave it at that. Also, I saw his picture and did not find him at all sexy, but then my tastes run to manly men, not the pretty boys. (see photo)

Sunday, July 20, 2014

2:22

Right now it is 2:22 in the afternoon and so anything I write will be special and have hidden meaning. At least that's what I believe.  The same would be true of the others, like 3:33 and 4:44, etc. I have always found those minutes to be unique and exciting.

It's over. Now it's 2:23, and what have I got to show for it? Something must be there, it's just hard to see in this dimension. (Come on admit it--you feel it too.)