Kristi Must Go

I lived in Washington DC for 30 years and experienced all sorts of crimes firsthand, including getting mugged and having my car(s) stolen. But I've never had my purse spirited away from under my seat at a table in a restaurant. In fact, that's never happened to me anywhere, including in poor cities like Port-au-Prince, Haiti and known pickpocket havens like Barcelona and Paris.

I also have never had personal security guards watching out for me. So please explain how Kristi Noem, the Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security, had her purse stolen from her in a DC restaurant, with security detail all around. And why she had $3,000 in cash and her passport in that bag. Was she planning to flee the country right after dinner?

Lastly, explain why someone in her position looks and dresses like a high-class call girl, or maybe a Playmate of the Month. Does she think her false eyelashes, Lady Godiva hair and big earrings help keep America safe?

Note to Donald: Fire her before we are invaded by a foreign country.