Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Stay Young and Keep Your Mouth Shut

Determined to stop aging, this morning I awoke committed to upping my daily exercise regimen, having read last night that it's the one thing that can impact longevity in a positive way. So, being no dummy after living in Maine for the last eight springs, I sprayed myself from head to toe with DEET and strapped on my walking gear: thick socks, duck boots, neck scarf, woolen cap, goggles and mesh bug suit. Striding out into the warm morning, I was sweating by the time I reached the end of my driveway.

Just kidding, although not about the neck scarf and the woolen cap. And instead of goggles I wore my giant wraparound sunglasses. It is, after all, Bug Season in Vacationland, and one can't be too lax about one's preparations if one hopes to sleep soundly anytime between now and October. (The itching makes it hard.)

This morning's outing was all but ruined by the constant bombardment of Midgees, a.k.a. no-see-ums, even though I could plainly see them and certainly feel them as they penetrated my eyeballs, nostrils and mouth, the latter when I stupidly opened it to greet passing neighbors. That was dumb of me, and a clear sign of someone from "away" since the natives know better. (Obviously the reason Mainers are so taciturn is because they don't want to swallow any bugs.)

Still, despite the buggy annoyances I did my brisk two miles and came home and took a probiotic and ate herring and oatmeal and walnuts and blueberries, and soon I will go off to the gym and work out with my personal trainer, so I'm hoping I won't get any older today. Sarah DeRemer Clark, who died in 1999 at age 119 and holds the record as the oldest American ever, credited her longevity to "not letting anything faze her," so I'll be damned if those bugs are going to get me upset. Tomorrow morning I'll be out there again, and I won't say hello to anyone if I can help it.

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