Sunday, March 17, 2013

Parental Guidance Suggested

My trip to Haiti at the end of this week cannot come soon enough. Things are getting crazy around here, and a dose of poverty with a side of traveler's diarrhea might actually be refreshing. How could I say such a thing, you wonder?

After mistakenly leaving his old phone in a New York City cab, Mitch had to get an iPhone5. Unlike his last phone, this one has a woman inside. Her name is Siri. She's there to do his bidding. Testing her limits, Mitch asked her to blow him. She said, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Then he asked, "Are you pretty?" She said, "I can't answer that." He said, "Why can't you tell me if you're pretty?" She said, "Oh stop." He said, "I think you're pretty." She said, blushing, "Oh Mitch, stop." He said, "I have a crush on you." She said, "I don't understand 'I have a crush on you,' but I can search the web for it." He said, "Would you like to have dinner with me?" She said, "I found five dinner restaurants; two of them are fairly close to you." He said, "Would you go out with me?" She said, "This is about you, not me." Then he asked her something really gross, involving the words "suck" and "dick," and she texted back: "Oooh." Not sure if that was a yes or a no.

Anyway, I'm not worried because she sounds like an idiot. I mean really, who ever calls it a dinner restaurant?

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