The Height of Stupidity

Nail salon in a shopping mall in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Admit it -- humans are a strange species. Some are extremely brilliant and have invented amazing things, like electricity, penicillin, skyscrapers, the atom bomb, airplanes, anesthesia, space travel and this very computer on which I write these words. So it's hard to grasp how so many members of that same species can be so dumb. In fact, examples of human stupidity far surpass examples of their brilliance, which is sad. So much potential, and often cold hard cash, wasted! 

If my nails looked like this I'd rush to the ER.

A stronghold of the human being's muddled thinking can be found everywhere, across the country: the nail salon. Tucked into suburban strip malls and found on virtually every block in every major city, these businesses rake in millions annually by selling a service that anyone with two functioning hands can accomplish at home for very little cost, and without an appointment: a manicure.

A home manicure costs an average of about six bucks, depending on the cost of the nail polish used. Add another $1.50 for a nail file. That's it. And that same bottle will last for perhaps ten manicures! Whereas a "professional" manicure runs anywhere from $20 to $100, not including a tip for the "manicurist" who dips the little brush into the bottle of nail polish and applies it to the nail while muttering insults at the client under his or breath in a foreign language, often Korean or Vietnamese.

Women and gay men with money to burn have added to this ridiculous practice by painting their toes, called a pedicure. Having painted toes does nothing for anyone, not even the owner of the toes, yet prices for this silliness run from $30 to $180. But here's the best (worst) part: Manicures and pedicures are neither permanent nor long-lasting, so they must be repeated on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. And for what purpose? 

None.