My iPhone Thinks I Pee in My Pants

Smart phones are not all that smart -- at least not these days. Like many post-baby boomers, they are getting dumber with each generation. One prime example is the fact that my iPhone is under the impression that I pee in my pants on a regular basis and need to wear diapers. This is not at all true, thank God!

Okay, so I'm 78 years old. But my bladder still functions as it always did, with nary a leak. I can still tell when I need to go to the bathroom, which I do whenever necessary. Yet every time I play Words With Friends, which I do often to stave off Alzheimer's, dementia and/or senility, all of which run rampant among my peers, I am bombarded with non-stop ads for an astounding number of brands of leak-proof underwear that supposedly will soak up urine and prevent me from embarrassment.

These ads show panties that look normal but have some sort of barrier that prevent unseemly accidents during my weekly MahJongg games, which I do not attend, or book club meetings, which again I don't attend, or golf games at the country club, which again, ditto. 

News flash for my phone: NOT ALL OLD LADIES PEE IN THEIR PANTS! And you can take that to the bank. So please stop sending these insulting ads and at least give me something I can use.