Tuesday, December 4, 2018

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Today I had a frank discussion with a friend about something rarely talked about in polite, or even impolite, society: The total and complete lack of libido in women past a certain age. For those who don't speak Latin, that means they don't want to have sex -- anytime, anywhere, and with anyone. I was delighted to learn that I'm not the only one suffering from this humiliating affliction that our culture considers a deal-killer when it comes to being an attractive or desirable person. The only possible fix is to take estrogen in tablets, cream or injections, but since that can give you breast and/or cervical cancer, it's not very popular. Quick, what would you choose: Orgasms and cancer or no orgasms and no cancer?

Still, a lack of libido is not something women like to broadcast. Nobody is going to make a GoFundMe page to raise money for their estrogen-related chemotherapy treatments. Admitting to a lack of sex drive is as unpopular as being a brown-skinned leper in a sea of white missionaries. (Worldwide prevalence of leprosy is reported to be around 5.5 million, with 80% of these cases in India, Indonesia, Myanmar, Brazil and Nigeria.) It might be worse, since married lepers are surely not told by their spouses, "It's all in your mind." 

I assumed my problem was due to my husband being eleven years my junior, but my friend's significant other is a dozen years older than she is, making him exactly my age, so there goes that theory. Here's the solution she shared with me, something tested and re-tested in her home: The Fleshlight, a 100% polyester lifelike vagina discreetly packaged inside what looks like an ordinary household flashlight. I won't describe it further since most of the men and all of the women reading this are probably already Googling it, and a picture is worth a thousand words. Bear in mind, The Fleshlight needs a thorough cleaning after each use and must be replaced annually, or more often depending on how vigorous your man is. 

So that's my yuletide tip for today. At least someone on your gift list will have a Merry Christmas!

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