Friday, December 16, 2016

There Oughta Be A Law

So much news is about the election and the incoming president and what's he going to do about Putin and cyber security and the borders and health care, yet many of the things that impact the daily lives of everyday Americans never get a nod from our lawmakers. This is a travesty! For example, there oughta be a law against old people trying to look young. It's depressing, disturbing and downright dotty that someone eligible for Medicare can still get fake boobs, fake lips, cheek implants and tummy tucks, not to mention hair implants, bleach jobs and the like. Need convincing? Look at this:

Loretta, then and now.

The photos above are of actress Loretta Switt, who once played a sexy character named "Hot Lips" on a popular TV show. But that was eons ago. Today she is 79 and is still sporting long blond hair, but now it's all dry and brittle and pathetic, yes you heard me, pathetic, and those scary new puffy lips she got from a plastic surgeon. This is just plain wrong for so many reasons, not the least of which is it makes a mockery of aging. Here are some other things that need to be outlawed:

1. Talking in the movies. At all. Once you enter the theater it should be against the law to speak, even during the commercials and the previews and when they tell you where to find the exits and to turn off your cell phones. 

2. Leaving your dog in a parked car. Ever.

 3. Bringing a baby to a restaurant. Get a sitter or stay home and cook.

4. Wearing perfume in public. Try bathing.

 5. Saying "At the end of the day." Enough already, you sound moronic, not "with it."

6. Writing the exact same comment on a Facebook stream as the one before yours. Come on, think up something else. Anything. Write "blah, blah, blah" if you have to.

7. Naming your child a word or a concept. Like "Adore" or "Cedar" or "Apple" or "Calm." These are dumb and won't make the kid any better than Sally, Susie or Tom, Dick and Harry.

8. Nauseating (to others) facial piercings, especially nose rings that look like dripping snot. You know who you are.

9. Vanity license plates. My husband is already distracted enough when he's driving, but his speeding up and then slowing down to figure these out will surely get us killed one day.

10. Doctors wearing street clothes. Really, at least put on a damn white coat for these prices.

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