Beyond All Reason

Yogurt: Never again!

In today's paper there is a teeny little article about the fact that at the University of Ottawa, a yoga class that has been taught since 2008 is being discontinued because it is politically incorrect, since "there are cultural issues of implication involved in the practice" and fears over "which cultures those practices are being taken from." Yup, you read that right. Here's more: "Many of those cultures have experienced oppression, cultural genocide and diasporas due to colonialism and western supremacy. We need to be mindful of this and how we express ourselves while practicing yoga."

So to be sure I don't commit an act of political incorrectness I am taking stock and changing my behavior. Following are a few of the steps I will implement in order to avoid making anyone at all uncomfortable:

1. First and foremost I will stop eating all yogurt. Not only does it sound very much like "yoga," which we now know is bad, but it is made from cultures, and eating an entire culture can never be good.

2. I am discarding all my black clothing since the wearing of blacks can only be seen as racist behavior.

3. I am installing ramps leading to all my doors because you never know when a handicapped Jehovah's Witness or Mormon will stop by to proselytize. We must be open to all religions.

4. I am burning all my books that have anything to do with racism, sexism, history, the Irish, Native Americans, and all other peoples who may have been abused by our evil government. This will free up a lot of space on my shelves where I can instead house several three-year-old Syrian refugee orphans, I heard many of them are coming soon.