Friday, November 15, 2013

Some Really Wild Turkey

I'm intrigued by all the advertisers who talk so much while saying nothing. Someday I hope to spout soaring and meaningless copy and be paid to do so. Happily, the very mindlessness of advertising assures us a bottomless pool of talent, deep and infinite. The profession has nowhere to go but down.

The Mayflower
Just now I saw a TV commercial for a Butterball turkey. The announcer says your turkey "will be so juicy, your guests will think you just stepped off the Mayflower." I found that odd, since I doubt that there were turkeys-- juicy, roasted or otherwise--aboard that famous ship. As for that Butterball--did they even have butter back then? And even if they did, what does that statement even mean--that your turkey will taste like it was cooked in 1620? Besides, according to Wikipedia, that was no fun cruise:
     "The passage was a miserable one, with huge waves constantly crashing against the ship’s topside deck until a key structural support timber fractured. The passengers, who had already suffered agonizing delays, shortages of food and of other supplies, now were called upon to provide assistance to the ship’s carpenter in repairing the fractured main support beam."

So where do they get the whole buttery roasted turkey thing? Can you imagine basting a turkey in a squall? It's craziness, I tell you. At best, they might get the thing cooked, but buttery? I think not.

What goes on in those ad agencies? As I said, I'm intrigued.

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