Thursday, February 21, 2013

Avoiding the Big Picture

My particular brand of crazy is quite debilitating on some days. It is simply this: I see the whole lot of us--you, me, movie stars, politicians, world leaders, the Pope-- as ants. Or blades of grass. Or grains of sand on the beach. Of course, this is true; our separate little lives actually are all bits of a whole, the organism we call Earth, which itself is still part of something so much bigger that it makes each of us that much smaller. But if we take in the big picture, it's pretty hard to get excited about anything. I mean, do ants plan their days? Do they get up and put on little ant clothes and get out there and hunt for crumbs, then go back and put all their little feet up and rest? What are we all so busy doing and why haunts me on days like these.

On other days I take the microscopic view. I am able to get all excited about having tickets to see Jackson Browne (I don't) or finishing a painting that nobody else will even see unless I post it on Facebook (I do that often). I plan my day as if what I do during it will mean a whit at its end. I mourn my dead cat, and the other cats and dogs that have gone before him--not to mention all the humans-- as if they mattered. I avoid thinking about the ants and the grass and the sand and decide it really is important that go to that exercise class at the Y.

Those days are better. I wonder what kind of a day this one will be.

2 comments:

  1. The ants are very very busy . . . so are the bees (you know what they say) . . . it may be meaningless in the aggregate but it is everything and wondrous in the whole.

    In the old days we just had all this hunting and gathering to do. We knew what to do. We had to do it. Just like the ants we just did it and were at peace.

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  2. me too. I wonder what small beautiful thing will I experience that makes me really enjoy being alive.....that makes it all meaningful. currently it is the juncos outside my window. and reading your thoughts.

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