Thursday, March 1, 2012

Loners Anonymous

My name is Andrea and I am a loner. I don't mind it most of the time, although it's hard to order a large pizza or take advantage of group rates on vacations.

I know what you're thinking: "Uh oh, look out." I can't blame you, since the only time loners make the news is when they go on shooting sprees, like earlier this week at an Ohio high school. Naturally, that 17-year-old shooter was described as a loner. Loners have bad reputations because of this. Everyone who ever did anything remotely nutty is said to have been a loner. Hitler for sure. The guy who shot John Lennon. This is unfair. I know many friendly people who are almost never alone, yet are still quite batty and prone to violence.

Personally, I have never shot anyone. I have never owned a gun or held a gun or wanted a gun or wanted to shoot anyone. In fact, these days I hardly ever see anyone to shoot--that's how alone I am most of the time. What I do instead is paint lovely pictures and glue beads onto things (see photo) and paint furniture. All that is hardly newsworthy, although if I were not a loner these things would never get done. That's the side of loner life you never hear about.

The worst thing about being a loner is that there's nobody to share it with. There's no Loner's Club or Loner.com. This is a bit of a drag, since it would be nice to compare notes every once in awhile with others of my ilk on how they spend their time. So I may start a club for loners. We won't have meetings--I'm thinking weekly, but maybe monthly if not having them weekly is too burdensome. There will not be a magazine or any dues. Membership will be completely private. In fact, I may already have a lot of members and just not know.

10 comments:

  1. 1) This is pretty funny . . .the first paragraph is right on
    2) I trust you not to shoot anyone
    3) See ya tomorrow sweetie . . . I like butting in on your lonesomeness . . . at least there is (occasionally) me

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    1. You are a most eloquent and creative loner. Very beautiful beading. And the few times I have had the pleasure of your company, an interesting and engaged conversationalist.
      It seems there may be some weird, unconscious bias in our American-ness to think of "Loner" with a negative edge, though based only in peoples subjective interpretation. I think I have heard recently about a book about this-I will check it out.
      For me, the word Loner conjures images in my mind of a slim, silvery wolf, watching warily. I am personally a little afraid of wolves, since they are one of the few mammals who kill when they are not hungry. My brain puts it differently, a person who prefers their own company may have low social needs. They might be intolerant of the nonsense and bullshit that makes up a lot of our human interactions. Or they might be avoiding the unavoidable hurt that accompanies relating. And I have been doing a lot of serious thinking about this subject over the last few weeks in relation to my oldest-who until recently I believed was a true extrovert.
      Maine can be a very tough place to make, create and sustain relationships. Many people have huge extended families and do not have the room in their heart or time in their schedules. And I think many Mainers are loners and more comfortable in their own environment, with their own company. A club for loners is a very good idea since those of us who are extroverted tend to monopolize conversations. Take care of yourself, Andrea.

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  2. Liz, thanks so much fro your supportive and, as usual, beautifully written comment. I appreciate your input and feel better about my plight! I look forward to seeing you again, somehow....

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  3. Andrea:

    I love that idea of a Loners Anonymous where we could get together once a month (any more would be pushing it). I've always been a loner. Often I cite Thoreau's line: "Of all my companions, I prefer solitude," or something to that effect. I've become such a loner that I went on my 25th wedding anniversary alone--and had a better time. I'd like to get together with others for a short period, but I tend to not meet people I'd like to spend time with. It seems to be such work. And what about going shopping with friends? I have ADD and can barely function shopping alone.

    That's all for now. I'll check in again. It's nice to know there are others marching to the tune of a different drum. A Massachusetts writer

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    1. Dear Massachusetts writer:
      Great to hear from you! Do check in again, and let's get started on being loners together.

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  4. I agree that there should be a loners website.Almost like a brother/sisterhood.We need support like everyone else and have as much right to.

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  5. Okay so I came across this pretty late..but is their a site where loners can just chat about random stuff,hopefully around empathizing people?

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    1. I wish! That's a great idea, maybe we should start on?

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  6. Ahh! My tribe. I spend my days growing my own food and making art and bushwalking. Love my life. Ocasionally i turn up at a social do like a trivia night or a fair just for fun. Mostly I just play and paint and enjoy my music. Life is gr8.

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  7. Hello family. This is where i belong. With the Hermits. I spend my days growing my own food. Walking in the forests, painting and meditating and enjoying all the beautiful music. Occasionally I drop in to a social event for fun.. but am content and happy by myself.

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